Blockbuster Sucks My Tits

January 28th, 2009

Renting DVDs is the biggest crock of shit on the face of this planet. Not only is it a fat pain in my ass to go warm up my car in the evening, waste time browsing around an old, shitty selection, and finally end up at home with a scratched disc that does nothing but play the previews and skip every 3 seconds, but it’s a really good way to burn away my hard earned profits from selling drugs and hookers.

But really, what a goddamn waste of my time when I go rent five movies only to find out two of them have craters in them making them comparable at a distance to the man in the moon. Your business might do better if it didn’t rely on the ability of actually reading data off of those pieces of shit you rent off as movies. Movies? Now they’re my coffee coasters. What a joke.

This day in age you’re better off going to http://x264.me and downloading the movies at a higher quality, freer price, no hassle, and you get to save it and watch it any damn time you please. If you’re not into waiting an hour or two for the download or you’d rather not risk the trial with the MPAA you still have better options than that shitbag Blockbuster.

I hear Netflix is pretty good. They won’t bust yours like Blockbuster Ballbuster will. Oh, and it’s cheaper and you can actually watch the fucking videos. Way to go. What a fucking concept for a business model. Blockbuster obviously forgot to think about ensuring their customers actually got to see the movies. Or maybe they intended on renting you a worthless piece of plastic. Who knows. Sometimes I think their real profit comes from pissing me off.

Fuck… FUCK!

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Airport Security

January 7th, 2009

Why sneak a bomb on the plane when you can bomb the people standing in line waiting for the plane? Riddle me that, Batman!

Joker said it best in The Dark Knight

You see, nobody panics when things go according to plan. Even if the plan is horrifying. If I told people that a gang banger was going to get shot, or a busload of soldiers was going to get blown up, nobody would panic. Because it’s all part of the plan. But tell people that one tiny little mayor is going to die and everyone loses their minds!

It’s funny to think that anyone could simply walk up to a long line during the holidays and easily take out that many people. And why is it that you don’t see this kind of security at train stations? Or at WalMart? I picked up a buddy of mine from the Amtrak station the other night and there were tons and tons of people flooding out all over the place. And yet, I didn’t see a single security guard.

That’s what I love about Americans. As long as you feel safe, that’s all that matters. Everybody is too apathetic to actually give a damn whether they are safe or not. I’m really not that happy about having to throw out my bottle of Aloe Vera for my sunburn because the TSA thought I might be a terrorist. Thank you O’Hare Homeland security. If I was a terrorist I would have targeted the TSA employees while they were making every attempt to fondle my anus.

Really though, think about this. There is opportunity after opportunity to attack people in malls, on streets, and at concerts. The list is really endless. The TSA is nothing more than a blanket for you to cuddle with so you can feel better while traveling on the big, scary, winged machine.

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Photoshop Fanboyism

January 6th, 2009

As a web developer I can really appreciate a well designed website (very much unlike this one). The drawing tools available have made it possible for creative minds to invent some very attractive designs.

Unfortunately some of these tools allow even the most colorblind web junkies to feel like an artist. Adobe Photoshop, in particular, is especially guilty of this. Evaluating the name Photoshop clearly indicates that it is meant for editing photos. Sure, you can make some slick designs if you’ve got a creative edge in you. The ones that missed the talent bus are particularly skilled at using the Filter menu. Yes, you are now an abstract artist thanks to the Gaussian Blur tool. Congratulations.

If only there were a tool that didn’t allow such easy manipulation. You know, something that forced you to make a shape or two before letting the Filter menu spoon feed you creativity. Unless you’re a mental midget, there’s really no need to pick the low hanging fruit on this one.

A better idea would probably be to try out some drawing programs such as Adobe Illustrator as opposed to the painting (like paint by numbers) programs such as Photoshop. They will force you to make lines and shapes and designs. You’ll be starting from scratch instead of enhancing a preconceived piece of art. The nice thing about drawing programs is that they generate vector graphics instead of bitmaps. The difference is that vector graphics are mathematically derived using lines and color fills whereas bitmap graphics are calculated on a per-pixel basis. The vector graphics can be resized indefinitely without distortion while the bitmaps are constrained to each pixel relying on its neighbor to help define its identity.

Out of the few things I learned from high school art class, and I stress few, was the most important distinction between art and crap is detail. Well, no shit. But what I really mean is that you can add things to a picture and enhance it or you can add things to a picture and degrade it. Remember the old saying, “Garbage in, garbage out!” Details are what will enhance it and clutter will degrade it. A lot of people confuse details with small things placed randomly throughout the picture. No, details aren’t just small things. They are there to make what’s already there better. They are the icing on the cake so to speak. They are the buttons on the coat. They are the… details! Generally they should make people notice that something is different but not be able to put their finger on it.

An interesting way to illustrate this concept is to imagine an abstract scene of shapes and lines. It does not have to represent anything other than art. It is abstract after all. If you told someone to add something to the image they would either add another object to the image or they would add detail to an object already on the image. Which one do you think would be better? Usually adding detail will be the wiser decision. It may seem obvious but you would be surprised how many times I saw the poor choice taking place. When you use Photoshop you seem to end up with more filtered images with less detail. Good artists know what they are doing but the larger majority do not.

Look at it this way, if you’re trying to, uh, illustrate something such as a logo, layout, or icon you will probably want to use Illustrator. If you would rather remove the red-eye from the photo of your kitty, Mrs. Buttersworth, than you will definitely want to use Photoshop.

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    African American vs Black

    December 18th, 2008

    As Americans, we’ve grown up being corrected when using the term black to describe an African American. It has been ingrained in our minds to think of black as a derogatory description. Without much thought, the practice of saying African American has been accepted and followed in our daily lives.

    Why insist on using the former (African American) rather than the latter (black)? What does it even mean? Should I insist on being called German American? It’s silly. You’re not from Africa any more than I am from Germany. My skin is white and yours is black. The same idea applies to Asian Americans. Aren’t they just Americans too? I guess nobody calls them yellow though. I’m so confused…

    Can anyone shed some more light on this subject?

    The Angry Black Woman discusses this very subject of racial terminology at length. She brings up a good point: what if a white person, from Africa, immigrates to America? That would make him or her an African American more than it would make a black person an African American. This is quite the thought provoking subject, is it not?

    From reading the comments about usage of the phrase Black American, you can see that there are very different perspectives on the matter. It seems that we all agree to be called American. Some prefer to make a distinction between black and Black. I prefer the former, or nixing it completely, because if you start inferring a certain heritage and lifestyle with the color of your skin you’re likely to degenerate into mudslinging.

    Is Barack Obama a Black American or a White American? He grew up only knowing White America but he was very much Black. This is why we must avoid the discrepancy and labels based on nothing more than genetic differences to describe a way of life.

    Maybe many black people do live a different life than most whites but can we really go as far to say that it is because they are black? If that’s the case, then why are the lifestyles of whites and blacks slowly converging towards one another? Wouldn’t that imply that the skin color is also changing and that is the reason?

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      Only 68 Diggs and Down Already?

      December 13th, 2008

      We all know the feeling when you see an article, comic, picture, video or website that piques your interest on Digg and when you go to click the link you see nothing more than “Server Unavailable” in big, black text. As if that isn’t annoying already, you then start looking at the comments to find a mirror. If that isn’t difficult enough to begin with, you have to read the same fucking comment over and over again: “Only 68 diggs and it’s down!!!!?!!”

      Thanks very much, Sherlock!

      The issue with seeing that comment so often is bothersome because it insinuates the idea that Digg users have not surpassed a point of being mentally handicapped. You see, somewhere along the line, these Diggers got it in their heads that the number of Diggs was tightly correlated with the number of views. Here’s the problem with that logic. If you view the page, video, porn, comic, penis, or whatever and you decide that you don’t like it, you do not Digg it. Therefore there has been one view and zero Diggs. See how this works?

      Well, as you might have come to realize over the last few years, an article hitting the front page is drastically different than it being near the front page or even in the upcoming section. Once it hits the front page there may literally be only seconds before thousands of people are frantically making page requests to that server. Not only is it unreasonable to think that everyone should have a Digg-proof server but it’s also unreasonable to think that once it hits the front page, everyone will actually see the content.

      For instance, if this blog hits the front page, it will very likely crash immediately before anyone gets the chance to Digg it. So it may be sitting on the front page for a while and meanwhile nobody can even see what the hell it is. Eventually a mirror may pop up and the Diggs may slowly start rising but until then the Digg count is dead in the water.

      The moral of this story is that Diggs and site visits aren’t correlated so shut the fish up.

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