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Archive for January, 2009

Blockbuster Sucks My Tits

January 28th, 2009

Renting DVDs is the biggest crock of shit on the face of this planet. Not only is it a fat pain in my ass to go warm up my car in the evening, waste time browsing around an old, shitty selection, and finally end up at home with a scratched disc that does nothing but play the previews and skip every 3 seconds, but it’s a really good way to burn away my hard earned profits from selling drugs and hookers.

But really, what a goddamn waste of my time when I go rent five movies only to find out two of them have craters in them making them comparable at a distance to the man in the moon. Your business might do better if it didn’t rely on the ability of actually reading data off of those pieces of shit you rent off as movies. Movies? Now they’re my coffee coasters. What a joke.

This day in age you’re better off going to http://x264.me and downloading the movies at a higher quality, freer price, no hassle, and you get to save it and watch it any damn time you please. If you’re not into waiting an hour or two for the download or you’d rather not risk the trial with the MPAA you still have better options than that shitbag Blockbuster.

I hear Netflix is pretty good. They won’t bust yours like Blockbuster Ballbuster will. Oh, and it’s cheaper and you can actually watch the fucking videos. Way to go. What a fucking concept for a business model. Blockbuster obviously forgot to think about ensuring their customers actually got to see the movies. Or maybe they intended on renting you a worthless piece of plastic. Who knows. Sometimes I think their real profit comes from pissing me off.

Fuck… FUCK!

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Airport Security

January 7th, 2009

Why sneak a bomb on the plane when you can bomb the people standing in line waiting for the plane? Riddle me that, Batman!

Joker said it best in The Dark Knight

You see, nobody panics when things go according to plan. Even if the plan is horrifying. If I told people that a gang banger was going to get shot, or a busload of soldiers was going to get blown up, nobody would panic. Because it’s all part of the plan. But tell people that one tiny little mayor is going to die and everyone loses their minds!

It’s funny to think that anyone could simply walk up to a long line during the holidays and easily take out that many people. And why is it that you don’t see this kind of security at train stations? Or at WalMart? I picked up a buddy of mine from the Amtrak station the other night and there were tons and tons of people flooding out all over the place. And yet, I didn’t see a single security guard.

That’s what I love about Americans. As long as you feel safe, that’s all that matters. Everybody is too apathetic to actually give a damn whether they are safe or not. I’m really not that happy about having to throw out my bottle of Aloe Vera for my sunburn because the TSA thought I might be a terrorist. Thank you O’Hare Homeland security. If I was a terrorist I would have targeted the TSA employees while they were making every attempt to fondle my anus.

Really though, think about this. There is opportunity after opportunity to attack people in malls, on streets, and at concerts. The list is really endless. The TSA is nothing more than a blanket for you to cuddle with so you can feel better while traveling on the big, scary, winged machine.

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Photoshop Fanboyism

January 6th, 2009

As a web developer I can really appreciate a well designed website (very much unlike this one). The drawing tools available have made it possible for creative minds to invent some very attractive designs.

Unfortunately some of these tools allow even the most colorblind web junkies to feel like an artist. Adobe Photoshop, in particular, is especially guilty of this. Evaluating the name Photoshop clearly indicates that it is meant for editing photos. Sure, you can make some slick designs if you’ve got a creative edge in you. The ones that missed the talent bus are particularly skilled at using the Filter menu. Yes, you are now an abstract artist thanks to the Gaussian Blur tool. Congratulations.

If only there were a tool that didn’t allow such easy manipulation. You know, something that forced you to make a shape or two before letting the Filter menu spoon feed you creativity. Unless you’re a mental midget, there’s really no need to pick the low hanging fruit on this one.

A better idea would probably be to try out some drawing programs such as Adobe Illustrator as opposed to the painting (like paint by numbers) programs such as Photoshop. They will force you to make lines and shapes and designs. You’ll be starting from scratch instead of enhancing a preconceived piece of art. The nice thing about drawing programs is that they generate vector graphics instead of bitmaps. The difference is that vector graphics are mathematically derived using lines and color fills whereas bitmap graphics are calculated on a per-pixel basis. The vector graphics can be resized indefinitely without distortion while the bitmaps are constrained to each pixel relying on its neighbor to help define its identity.

Out of the few things I learned from high school art class, and I stress few, was the most important distinction between art and crap is detail. Well, no shit. But what I really mean is that you can add things to a picture and enhance it or you can add things to a picture and degrade it. Remember the old saying, “Garbage in, garbage out!” Details are what will enhance it and clutter will degrade it. A lot of people confuse details with small things placed randomly throughout the picture. No, details aren’t just small things. They are there to make what’s already there better. They are the icing on the cake so to speak. They are the buttons on the coat. They are the… details! Generally they should make people notice that something is different but not be able to put their finger on it.

An interesting way to illustrate this concept is to imagine an abstract scene of shapes and lines. It does not have to represent anything other than art. It is abstract after all. If you told someone to add something to the image they would either add another object to the image or they would add detail to an object already on the image. Which one do you think would be better? Usually adding detail will be the wiser decision. It may seem obvious but you would be surprised how many times I saw the poor choice taking place. When you use Photoshop you seem to end up with more filtered images with less detail. Good artists know what they are doing but the larger majority do not.

Look at it this way, if you’re trying to, uh, illustrate something such as a logo, layout, or icon you will probably want to use Illustrator. If you would rather remove the red-eye from the photo of your kitty, Mrs. Buttersworth, than you will definitely want to use Photoshop.

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