Go Complain on the Internet

Why sneak a bomb on the plane when you can bomb the people standing in line waiting for the plane? Riddle me that, Batman!

Joker said it best in The Dark Knight

You see, nobody panics when things go according to plan. Even if the plan is horrifying. If I told people that a gang banger was going to get shot, or a busload of soldiers was going to get blown up, nobody would panic. Because it’s all part of the plan. But tell people that one tiny little mayor is going to die and everyone loses their minds!

It’s funny to think that anyone could simply walk up to a long line during the holidays and easily take out that many people. And why is it that you don’t see this kind of security at train stations? Or at WalMart? I picked up a buddy of mine from the Amtrak station the other night and there were tons and tons of people flooding out all over the place. And yet, I didn’t see a single security guard.

That’s what I love about Americans. As long as you feel safe, that’s all that matters. Everybody is too apathetic to actually give a damn whether they are safe or not. I’m really not that happy about having to throw out my bottle of Aloe Vera for my sunburn because the TSA thought I might be a terrorist. Thank you O’Hare Homeland security. If I was a terrorist I would have targeted the TSA employees while they were making every attempt to fondle my anus.

Really though, think about this. There is opportunity after opportunity to attack people in malls, on streets, and at concerts. The list is really endless. The TSA is nothing more than a blanket for you to cuddle with so you can feel better while traveling on the big, scary, winged machine.

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Chicago is a wonderful city. Where else in the world can you gaze across the panoramic sky at hundreds of gray skyscrapers, watch the city workers nap while on the clock, and pay ridiculous sums of money in taxes and living costs? There is no other place in the United States that offers such beautiful scenery. Like warm weather and sun? That’s a shame because we don’t get any here in Chicago. Instead we get lots of snow and harsh winds here in the Windy City. And I don’t think its ever been “warm” in Chicago; instead we suffer through a series of heat waves during our short, overcast summers.

Chicago truly is one of a kind. So much so that Forbes thought it was the #6 most miserable US city. Though this isn’t based on the appearance of the city by any means. Rather for commute times, weather, crime, taxes and more.

If you are thinking of moving to Chicago, I strongly urge you to reconsider. If you currently living in Chicago, have thought about leaving, but haven’t, may I ask you something? What are you waiting for? Maybe I’m being a little bit harsh. With the highest sales tax in the country and unemployment rates higher than the national average, I must admit there are some very valid reasons for not being able to leave this God forsaken city. Traits like these have won the city of Chicago (and the State of Illinois) many awards including the number 6 spot on Forbes’ list of most expensive American cities. You can probably tell that Forbes is very fond of “Chi-Town.”

If you are lucky enough to be able to afford a car, you get to avoid the trains and the fear of getting mugged. However, owning a car in Chicago has its own downfalls. As many Chicago locals will tell you, the second season in Chicago is road work, in addition to winter of course. With roads narrower than many grandfathers urethra that are littered with pot holes, it is far from ideal for such a populous city.

You would think that with taxes so high, many of the problems could be solved. Of course with corrupt police and a highly corrupt government, not much of anything ever gets done here. Hopefully a younger generation will grow up sick of the corruption in Chicago and do something about it. Luckily for “Crook” county officials, this will probably never happen because young Chicagoans get some of the worst education in the country.

It took me a long time before I got totally fed up with Chicago and decided to move away to Southern Illinois. Strangely, what put me over the edge was my nicotine addiction. I used to smoke at least a pack of cigarettes a day living in Chicago. Of course now that I’ve moved from that wretched and stressful city, I smoke far less.

The one thing I can say I thoroughly enjoyed about Chicago were the bars. There was something strangely comforting about walking into a Chicago bar and getting a smell of the smoke, alcohol, and Italian sausage grease that the obese people of Chicago excrete from their pores. Of course it wasn’t long before they took away my last pleasure of living in Chicago. When the smoking ban went into effect, banning smoking in nearly all public places, including bars, there was no real reason for me to stay in Chicago.

When cigarette prices rose above $7 in Chicago, I was faced with a tough decision. Give up smoking, as it was costing me a fortune, or move. I spent many sleepless nights in bed trying to weigh the pros and cons of living in Chicago.

For many of the same reasons listed earlier in this rant, I decided it was time to pack my bags and leave for greener pastures and to enjoy my oh-so-sweet cancer sticks. That’s right. I’d rather kill myself slowly than spend another day in the city of Chicago.

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